1. You shall have no other Gods except her nibs.
2. You shall not make for yourself any idol, nor bow down to it or worship it, unless it’s good for the economy.
3. You shall not misuse the name of the Lord your God, unless you’re really desperate during an election campaign.
4. You shall remember and keep the Sabbath day holy. Be sure to remind any zero-hours, minimum wage plebs working for you that day.
5. Respect your father and mother, especially when the dementia tax comes into effect.
6. You must not commit murder, but selling arms to extremist regimes to bomb kids in schools and hospitals is by proxy, so it’s fine.
7. You must not commit adultery unless it’s with a dead pig’s head.
8. You must not steal, unless you’re stealing from an entire country and it’s really, really worth it.
9. You must not give false evidence against your neighbour, but we’ll always let this one slide if you work for Uncle Rupert.
10. You must not be envious of your neighbour’s goods, but if you are, you can always redistribute publicly owned assets in two-for-one deals for your family and friends.