Sold my heart for 50p,

To a biddy with blue hair,

She told me that she needed one,

To get up and down the stairs.

Are you sure that you don’t need it?

You’re such a nice young man,

I wouldn’t want to be a burden,

Or impinge upon your plans.

What if you meet a lovely girl?

And end up on the waltzers,

You won’t know what on earth to do:

She’ll know that you’ve been altered.

I won’t be doing that again,

I’m finished with those rides,

Every time I spin around,

I throw up my insides.

Oh deary, you keep hold of that,

I’ll find another heart,

Take it home and clean it up,

That would be a start.

I just want it gone today:

It’s clutter round the house,

Like this set of hinges,

Or this cracked ceramic mouse.

Use it for a doorstop,

Or throw it in the fire,

It’s been ruined by stiletto heels,

And the ciggy burns of liars.